wishes

I used to paint when I was younger. You won't believe me, I know. I know what you think of me. I used to paint what I wanted to happen in my life. I have a large painting of everyone I know at a party in heaven. I have a small portrait of my mother, still alive. I've painted three children, one eight year old boy with short brown hair and an awkward smile, and two younger girls, twins, laughing. I've painted the way I want to feel. I have a painting of you and I at a table. Hand in hand leaning in for a kiss. There is no other way of telling you. Most of it is idle hobby, but I put my blood into that one. I can't bare to destroy it. It is thirty two years old. I know we can never meet again, but you must believe me.